Why do I push away....

...the people I love the most? You know, if you're having a bad day it's always the ones you love the most that catch the wrath. I know it's because we know(or think) they will always be there. But it's so unfair. And sometimes, for myself, I think I am testing that relationship. If I treat you like crap and try to push you away, will you leave? Because most of the time that's what I expect. Or will you love me more because that's what I really need? It's awful for me to do that to people but the reality is, sometimes I do. And sometimes I don't realized it till I lay in bed and wonder what I just did and feel so guilty. I need to know that at my most difficult times, people aren't going to bail. I probably test some people way to often but it warms my heart to know that those that truly love me, don't even seem to let it phase them. I sometimes think they know me better then I know myself. Thank you and I love you.