Friday, January 5, 2007

I'm fine with ONE!

KG and I were having a conversation yesterday and kind of reflecting on this whole adoption process, our dreams before our marriage, our dreams during and so on. As far as "us" as a couple, we've never really had a set amount of kids that we wanted. We always sort of felt we'd have the number we were meant to have. At certain times I wanted more children then him and vise versa. Through the whole adoption process I have pretty much worn my feelings on my sleeve with KG. He has always known what I'm feeling. I, on the other hand, have figured he's feeling cruddy about it but he shows nothing. I just have to assume his cranky mood or being extra tired is brought on by the stress. The stress of this process and the toll it's taken on KG finally made itself apparent in this conversation. At one point, before we decided to adopt, I had made a comment that I would be 'ok' with one child, especially if I was birthing it because pregnancy sucks. He always said, "It's at least two or none so you better decide and commit before we even get started. It's unfair to a child to not have any siblings and be alone in this world." I would just smile and nod. Well, in our conversation last night I brought up our next child and when he thought we'd want to start the process. He said right away, 'I'm fine with ONE!' I mentioned our previous conversations and he said he doesn't know if he could do this all again. :) Now I'm feeling a little less crazy knowing it's getting to him too. He said, "Well, maybe we'll birth one then". I said thanks but no thanks. At this point, I am not interested in being pregnant and we've discussed, and agreed, my being pregnant is just not a good thing for me or us. Besides, if we birth our own, they'd be 4 years apart at least! If we adopt again we have to adopt another toddler or it's like having two 'only' children because their too far apart. So what's the point of that? I may change my mind about birthing but right now it's a NO! It will be interesting to see how this all plays out.
Here are a couple of photos from a raft trip we were blessed enough to go on with KG's parents.
You can just barely see KG through the splash of water!

This next one is the after math of that splash. I am in the back with the cream shirt, KG is front left with white shirt and yellow shorts, his dad and mom are front right in black.

We had so much fun!
Peace OUT!

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