Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Dentist and daily business.

We love our dentist and the hygienist Karen and the office manager Sandy. I have been going there since I was three. Sandy has been there the entire time. She is wonderful. And she collects pigs just like my sister Sandee. Her son married a gal from China and they live there now. They had their first child a year ago and Sandy was able to go to China and see her grandson. She loves to tell us about them and show us pictures of her grandson and tell us Chinese words she is learning. Her son, daughter-in-law and grandson just came into town from China on Sunday to visit and she is over the moon!
JT was the original dentist. He retired earlier this year. However, we started seeing his son Greg when we got married because he always worked at the times we could go in, usually in the morning. We like Greg.
We took Flower there a few weeks after we brought her home to have her teeth checked. They looked good so they said they wouldn't do her first cleaning or x-rays till she was three. They don't want them totally freaked out by the experience so even when we went in six months ago she sat in the chair and they looked at her mouth again. Well yesterday we all had appointments. I went first and as soon as Flower walked in and saw me in the chair she said, "I don't want to do that" and off she went. Great. This should be fun. When I was done I found out I need three fillings. Awesome. I have one filling that is cracked and needs to be redone. One cavity is forming around an existing filling and one is new. Suck.
We brought Flower in and prepared for the worst. Well she did amazing! And aside from Karen talking to her like a baby, she was wonderful with her. And I forgot my camera! For her first real dentist appointment! Arrgg. So you get nasty phone pictures instead but at least we have something. First she gave her a bag and let her go 'shopping'. She got to pick out a fancy toothbrush, she chose pink princess variety of course. She got to choose pretty pink floss and a toy that goes in the bathroom to hold their toothbrush. She chose a pink pig.

She was outfitted with the fancy blue bib.
Then she showed Flower how to use her new princess toothbrush.
She was diggin' the protective shades.

She took a look in her mouth and counted her teeth.

Because she was doing so well they suited her up in the x-ray armor and took her x-rays. They never expect much because kids are usually squirmy. Well Flower didn't move a muscle and Greg was shocked at how well they turned out. :)
And then the scraping began and she just layed there.

Finally she used the zippy tool to put the protective fluoride on the teeth.
She has shiny new pearly whites to show off.
Greg came in to have a look and affirmed there was no cavities! She got to have her photo taken and put up on the 'NO Cavities' wall, right next to her friend Madeline! She did so well they let her pick out two toys when she was done. She chose a toy phone that has a water game in it and a ring.
KG went next and he had one cavity I believe. Bring on the crappy dentist bills. Yuck.

Last night for FHE we broke out the stash of Halloween cartoons and KG made a yummy apple crisp with the apples that my visiting teacher Brenda brought over on Sunday.

Today I dropped Flower off at preschool and then met Kris at the cannery to grocery shop/replenish our food storage. They didn't have a few of the things I wanted but I walked away with a two year supply of peaches and pears, strawberry and marionberry jam and a few dry goods. We'll be going back in November for salsa and pear sauce for sure.

When I picked Flower up from preschool her teacher told me she had a rambunctious day. What a nice way to put that she was out of control. She just said today Flower had her wild high pitch happy scream a good portion of the time. Yikes. She was that way in Sacrament meeting Sunday too. Just really fidgety and sassy. I guess we need to figure out how to work on that.

Thank you for all the nice comments and emails with suggestions on how to deal with my psychotic self. :) I took grandma's advice and had KG give me a blessing. I know that will help. Rather then avoiding these feelings like I have the last couple of months I finally sat down last night and had a little counseling session with myself. I asked myself what feelings I was having and made myself answer where it was coming from and why. I have figured out what I'm struggling with most and two words come to mind. I'm too embarrassed to even admit that I'm feeling them because they are so foreign to me. I've never dealt with this. I think Colleen said it best that pride is at play. It's getting in the way here. I have a plan and only time will tell. But thank you for being so kind to reply.

Monday, September 29, 2008

The truth of the matter.

I'll just recap a bit...The shower was really well done and Jenna was great....I had fun taking photos and it was nice to hide behind my camera a bit. Now, if I'm going to be honest, I have to say, if I wasn't taking photos, I would have bailed halfway through. Not because it sucked but because a few people, R, S and F to be sure, bring something out in me that I don't like. I am really struggling with this. I was having fun with Kathy and then they arrive and I immediately feel uncomfortable. And knowing that if they didn't show up, I'd be having the best time. A few people should not have that affect on me. I have never been this affected by someone in my entire life. I don't know what is wrong with me. And it is me. It's not that they are doing anything in particular, or rather they may not realize what they are doing, but I start feeling physically ill when I'm around them. It's me that I'm mad at because I can't seem to control the feelings and I'm not used to that. It's gone on for months now. I give myself a pep talk before and just convince myself to have fun and not to pay any attention. Then they walk in, the same 'event' happens each time, and bam, I feel like I've been punched in the gut. I just don't know what to do. They probably have no idea they have this affect on me. What has changed in me that I have allowed myself to be affected this way? It's overwhelming. Same thing at church yesterday. I cried most of the way through Sacrament meeting because I am so frustrated at myself for these feelings. Serious tears streaming down my cheeks, spots all over my glasses and sniffing my running snot to the point of KG telling me go to the bathroom. (I'm quiet about it so I don't think anyone else around me had a clue.) And I wouldn't go to the bathroom because then people would see me. My sleeves were lovely. I always lean forward when this happens because I HATE to be seen crying. Anyway, I just hate the way I feel inside with this whole issue. And the ironic part is that lots of people have an aversion to someone in particular. It's pretty common these days. Well, I'd rather be her best friend then have to be within a mile of these people. Since I don't like what this brings out in me I just remove myself from the situation so we bailed from church. It makes me not want to be there or anywhere they might be. And the only person that it's hurting is me. I even sent a text to a BR member to see of he had any advice. I really do want to figure this out. He offered to call after church but of course I chickened out and told him not to worry about it. I don't want to be needy or be 'that girl'. I've seen 'that girl' at church before. The ones that cry every Sunday and seems unstable and has to have the full attention of the Bishop/ric at all times. I don't want that to be me. That's why I leave before anyone sees that I have been or am crying. I do know one huge factor in this mess and it makes me regret the start of any of it. Which is sad because so much good has come of it too but it would be easier if it wasn't there. And I just can't imagine that part not being there because most of the time it's pure joy.
Perhaps some changes need to be made, even if at first they sting.
The crappy part is I truly do feel fulfilled around most of the ladies in our ward. I'll be the one to suffer if I stop going to things just for the sake of not feeling uncomfortable around a few. I have a lot to learn from them and it would be a huge loss for me. But maybe it's better. I wish I could say what I really think and feel about the whole thing but it's too personal to be written here. And it really makes me feel small and ashamed.
When I leave this type of situation, I feel like crap for a good amount of time after because I am angry that I have let someone bring these kinds of feelings out in me.
It's ridiculous. I need it to stop. But how?

Jenna's Bridal Shower and Marco's Wedding Reception...

That's a whole lotta wedding type of crap for one day!
Jenna's Bridal Shower was Saturday afternoon. Aside from enjoying myself and being so happy for her, I was the designated photographer. I was happy to do it.
Kathy and Mandy hosted and they did a lovely job.
Lots of gifts which is the best part! :)
There was a yummy spread.

Lots of mingling.

Beautiful scenery.

Putting a canopy together. :)

A competition of making wedding dresses from toilet paper.

And now for the judging to be done by Jenna. I think the choice is obvious.
Wow to the one on the far right!

Can you believe how amazing this dress is? I still can hardly believe it's toilet paper. These girls need to become designers!

Bring on the gifts.

The opening of my gift was by far the most entertaining to me. It definitely got the best response which explains why I took so many photos! :)

KG helped me pick it out. :)

The peanut gallery. Velma and Susan had me cracking up the entire time!

The shower was really well done and Jenna was great. She definitely wins the prize for most enthusiastic gift opener. She reacted to every.single.gift as though it were a million dollars. She was truly excited and grateful for everything she was receiving, big or small. I had fun taking photos and it was nice to be a part of it. Now, if I'm going to be honest, I have to say, if I wasn't taking photos, I would have bailed halfway through. You'll have to read more in the next post because this one is long enough already. And that way if you just want happy stuff without the dose of reality, you don't have to read it.
So after the shower I went home and was just pissed the whole way home and then not very nice when I got home because I wanted quiet so I could wallow in this ridiculousness.
That all changed however when we went to Marco's wedding reception. I didn't take my camera because I got enough photos at the wedding. I just wanted to enjoy myself. And that I did. We got there at 7:30 and stayed till it was over. We were invited by Marco's dad to come over to their house for a bon fire. At the insistence of Stephen, we went. :) We were there until midnight. I love hanging out by a campfire and shootin' the breeze. Especially with KG and Flower! It was so peaceful. All the bitter and ugly feelings from earlier in the day were gone. It was great. Unfortunately with everyone around we didn't really have a conversation with Marco and Stephanie other then simple pleasantries. So we don't really know her any more then we did before we went but that's ok. The feeling that I had when I left there somewhat reiterated that I just need to surround myself with people that make me feel good about myself, appreciate me and people that I love. I like feeling fulfilled when I leave someone's company. When I leave someone, I want to be glad that I went and spent time with them.

Let's kick it.

can you dig it?

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i love life. i love my family. i love adventures.

past ramblings

peace out