i have a bad attitude

at least that's what i'm telling myself. i'm aware of it and don't know how to shake it. today had potential. the girls slept in till 10 am! and that's even with falling asleep last night before 9 pm. they. are. awesome. this happens often and i'm so grateful that they are good sleepers. anyway. kg wasn't going to church. he was just beat after working all night and needed rest. i didn't want to go to church but i know how much flower loves it and i should go so i got the girls ready and away we went. we were late so we sat in the foyer for a bit. when i stood up to go in the chapel i felt something in my back pop and could barely walk. i'm so tired of chronic back pain. the girls were good in sacrament meeting. lots of changes made today. but i just couldn't shake the feeling of not wanting to be there and kept getting choked up. after that meeting it was primary which flower runs to. she loves her teachers and loves to be there with her friends. audie offered to take river to nursery to see if it would help her want to stay. so i gave it a shot. i just kind of wandered around. my back was hurting too bad to sit in the chairs. at one point kris went in and river kept asking for me. after the second meeting i knew audie would be leaving the nursery so i headed that way to just kind of listen and see how things went. even with kris in there river screamed bloody murder when audie left. she gets very intense. another boys mom left at the same time and her son was screaming as well. she and i were talking and just listening to see if they were going to calm down. brooke and i finally just decided to send audie in to get the two kids. it's not that i can't handle hearing her cry. that's not it at all. i deal with her fits quite often. we discipline her. and we have no problem being consistent and stern. but i don't think it's beneficial for her or the other children to scream like that. instead of audie coming out with the kids, another gal came out with brooke's son and gave us a lecture. i don't need your opinion thank you very much. if i wanted it i'd ask. i've served many years in nursery and i'm not a new parent. nor am i stupid. this same person had treated me like i've never been around children just 15 minutes prior so i was already annoyed. but when i send someone in to get my child, send my freaking child out. i am the parent and i can make my own choices. it was very irritating. and frankly, river's so darn independent the rest of the time that if she wants to be clingy to me at church than i'll take it. and sure enough, audie's daughter got freaked out by all the crying and started crying herself. she struggled for so long to go in and not cry the whole time and now she's feeling secure. we don't need to ruin that unnecessarily. she calmed down and went back in and did fine. river also stayed the whole time and had some fun. she also gave a very cute closing prayer. i heard her saying my name throughout but she didn't scream any more. but that's only because kris was in there which is the same as me being in there. she doesn't scream if i'm in there either and she has fun. comments that were made annoyed me and then i cried all the way home. i know i should be at church but when i go home feeling worse then before i went, instead of uplifted, why would i want to go? i so would have rather been hiking with the girls or playing at the park. and i guarantee i would have felt the spirit much stronger than i did at church.
i don't know what my deal is lately. i've just lost my motivation. i haven't exercised in a few weeks(partly due to river crying in the daycare) but i've also just lost motivation. my sugar addiction is back in full force. the house is a mess. it seems when one thing is out of whack, everything is out of whack. i just don't care. i'd rather be out with the girls and kg than cleaning her exercising. or when it's finally quiet i'd rather watch a show or play on the computer. just don't care. and when it comes to church i've always had issues with certain things(not the doctrine or the people) and i think my fear of those things keeps me from truly benefiting as much as i could. and i know it's all an attitude thing. how can i shake it? how can i get my mojo back?