Thoughts That Lead to Changes.

This is not a pity party, just my thoughts. I have really been trying to make some changes as of late. Just trying to be a better person, love myself more and be kind to myself and others. That sums it up nicely. :) Anyway, as much as I write on here, because it is my journal after all, there is still so many thoughts stewing in this brain of mine that I never share. Amazing isn’t it? Sometimes things are just too personal. Shocking again...I know. For me it’s different though. I can talk about sex and bodily functions till the cows come home, that to me is not that big of deal. I have even gotten brave and shared when I’ve struggled with mood and other things that made me feel like a psycho. :) I would have never done before I started blogging. Somehow this ’journal in public’ has opened me up a bit. Believe it or not I’m still a pretty closed book. But even deeper still are those really personal thoughts that I just fear judgment of. Sooo, I have a little book and decided that as often as I can I will write and just go crazy writing every single thing that comes to my head, whether it makes sense or not. I took it with me to church yesterday and got started in Sacrament Meeting. Church lately has been emotional for me so I knew that would be a great place to start. If I’m feeling the spirit and therefore emotional, all other trapped things will more easily come to the surface. It felt really good to write. Some of the things I was writing made my eyes well up several times. I shared it with KG last night. It was nice to see his expression to what I’d written. I look forward to continuing in hopes of learning more about myself. One thing I found myself thinking while still as church is that I have some really great friends, guys and gals as well as couples. I have a lot of friends! But sometimes they just feel like ’surface friends’. Does that make sense? I don’t really feel like I have a real connection with anyone. I find it very hard to open up with people. There are some that I do open up too but a real connection is two sided. Like there are some really great and exciting thoughts swimming around in my head that could change our lives and I don’t feel like I have someone that I can call to share that stuff with(other then KG of course!) Is that enough though? Should my husband, who’s my best friend, be enough? Should I feel the desire to have other close connections? I don’t know why this is hard for me to admit but for about three years I’ve just felt socially awkward. Sometimes I feel like I’ve leaned too much on KG when I have felt uncomfortable in a situation and that became habit and just made things worse. I intend to work on that. Perhaps I just feel like life has become all about me and I haven’t made myself available for people to open up to. There is good reason for that. I have deliberately held people at bay from sharing their ’issues’ with me because I tend to take on other peoples problems and lately, that hasn’t been good for me. It tends to be a trigger for things I am already dealing with and makes me worse. I’m realizing that may not be the best thing for me anymore though. One thing I want to work on is being able to help someone and be there for them without 'taking that on' and living it. It’s about finding the balance because that’s who I am and I feel like something is missing when I’m not helping people. Perhaps if I work on me and figure out who I am, my heart will be more open to closer, healthy relationships. I have realized one thing this weekend, I have everything deep within ME to make the changes I need to make. I don't need to go somewhere else. I just need to dig deep and trust myself. I also need to be patient with myself. Changes aren’t going to happen over night and I shouldn’t expect them to. April is my month!

The Mrs. Is Getting Aggressive

Here are some photos but you have to watch the videos to get the full effect of how funny it was! We are so easily entertained. KG tied some peanuts on yarn so that Sir Fuzzy Nuts would have to work for his grub. We were quite entertained. We thought it was Fuzzy the entire time until the last video or photo when we finally noticed the six teets. The Mrs. is finally getting aggressive! Especially since she actually took one from KG's hand. Prior to today she would bolt the moment the screen door opened.

Martian Child

Here are some fun photos from our Sunday.




Then we cuddled up on the sofa and watched Martian Child.
LOVED IT! It's about a guy who adopts an older child who is seen as 'unable to love or be loved'. Such a great cast. Really good storyline. I loved John Cusack's character. Watching it develop from saying no, out of fear, to the child he was matched with, to coming around, saying yes, taking the child in and eventually having genuine love for him was so touching. The kid was a great little actor too. Go rent it!
I was really surprised that Flower paid as much attention as she did. KG has the night off and it was such a great day!

Saturday at Red Robin and the Clubhouse

Saturday I spent the morning editing my blog book. YES I'M STILL DOING IT! Wow what a long process. Admittedly I haven't done it in over a month with the move and all. I just really want to get it done. I'm really excited about it. I'm on page 113 of 450! Daunting!

I took a break at 1:00 so Flower and I could go to lunch at Red Robin with my Aunt Peggy who was in town from Idaho Falls. She is my mom's only sister. My parents and sister were there as well. We had a nice time talking and laughing at Flower's antics. We were sitting right next to Kaily Sparling (Lovell) and it was so fun to see her baby. When she moved out of my ward she was still pregnant. She named her daughter Madison which is my maiden name so my dad loved that.
I always enjoy time spent with my Aunt Peggy. She is the most amazing quilter I have ever met!
When we returned home Flower took a nap and I continued to edit!
That night we had a game night at the clubhouse at our apartment complex. Several people we had invited didn't make it so I was kind of bummed but as it was there were lots of kids and a bit crazy at times. We only got two games in, Quelf and Catch Phrase. I was so thrilled that our friends Jerad, Audi and Jovi came! We've hung out with them at Scot and Val's but this was the first time they have made it to one of our game nights. They are so fun! A gal named Brandi, in our ward ended up calling Jerad out of the blue. She needed a last minutes babysitter for her daughter so she showed up to drop off Lola. It was fun to add her to the mix of crazy kids already there!
John, Jerad and KG made an interesting bunch!
Audie is pregnant and due in just two weeks! Can you see her cute little belly peeking out over the pillow? Topher is as cute as ever!

The kids watched 101 Dalmations, Cinderella and Lion King


Flower and Topher just chilling.
I am really going to love having this clubhouse! It was so nice to be able to clean things up and have everyone's help. It seems when it's at your own house, everyone kind of leaves and trickles out and your left with your place looking like a tornado went through. It also gave plenty of room for everyone to enjoy themselves!
I am looking forward to a relaxing Sunday spent with Flower and KG.

Enchanted

The morning walk we took definitely started the day off on a positive note. It just kept getting better and better. When we got back Flower watched Cinderella so I could do my bulletin. Yep, I had all the info early! Yay! A nice peaceful week on the calling department! :-)
We then had lunch, read books and then she went down for her nap/quiet time. Usually she reads until 1:30 and then I go in and tell her to close her eyes and go to sleep and she's asleep by 2:00. I checked on her at 1:15 because things were so quiet and this is what I found:
Just 15 minutes after she went to her room she was out cold! That walk really wiped her out. She slept for 2 hours too.
During that time I was at the office working. I learned how to do leases today which wasn't hard at all, just a matter of knowing where the file is and making sure you enter everything correctly. I also showed my first apartment today. The mail man happened to be there when they showed up. He saw them walking in and was not impressed. I, on the other hand, was excited. They were three college girls that had every color of hair in the rainbow between then and such colorful personalities to match! They were so much fun to talk too! They don't want to move till May and are hoping one comes open by then. I stayed there from 2:00 to 6:00 and read several chapters in my book. I am finally getting into my book to the point that I can't put it down! In case you forgot since I've been reading it forever...it's Stillwatch.
KG and Flower came to see me at 5:30 which is always a nice treat. Lynnette is letting us use yet another garage since they have some extras. KG is parking the truck in there since all his paintball crap I mean gear is in there. That made his day! :) As soon as I got home I gathered my stuff, including Flower, and headed for the church. I needed to print off the bulletin. When I told her earlier in the day that she could go with me in the evening to complete them she exclaimed: OH, I LOVE CHURCH! Gosh I hope that sticks! We had fun and as soon as they came off the printer I started folding them and then I saw it! The.stupidest.mistake.ever. I couldn't believe what I had done. Here is what the cover looked like:

Welcome to
The Church
Of Jesus Christ
Of Ladder Day Saints

Boise 13th Ward

Did you see the mistake?! Yep, I wrote ladder instead of Latter! Uggh. Of course all 50 were printed before I caught it. I was pissed. I called KG to blame him because I asked him to proof read it and he didn't! Of course it's his fault! :) Then I laughed. Here's the dumb part: when I was still at home, I looked at 'ladder day' and thought, 'oops, that should have had a hyphen, oh well.' Didn't even notice the ladder. So I grab them all and quit folding with the intention to go home and redo the original and come back to the church and reprint them! We had to stop off at Kris and Jerry's first to return their ladders that we used to paint our apartment. I showed Jerry the bulletin and it took him all of one second to see it and bust up with laughter! Glad I could add some humor to his day. Of course I was laughing with him and went right away to show Kris. I told him I was going to redo them and he said not to. He said it wasn't that big of a deal and was , as did KG and Kris. It really was funny, especially, as Jerry pointed out, the irony in the fact that I was returning theirs ladders to them! So I conceded and, with the help of Kris, finished folding them. I handed them over to Jerry so that I wouldn't be tempted to waste more ink and paper redoing them. Then they kindly invited Flower and I to stay and watch Enchanted with them! I happily obliged since we have wanted to see it. They also spoiled us with yummy Chowder soup that Kris made. Flower also enjoyed jelly beans, a cheese stick, m&m's and ice cream! You'd think we never feed the kid! She enjoyed every minute of it there and so did I! The movie was excellent! So well done. It will definitely be one that we buy.She's an awesome actress! There was so much dancing and singing and animation. Flower loved it too!
When we got home we quickly got her ready for bed since it was a half hour past her bed time. By the time we were ready for prayers it was an hour past! Flower had been giggly the whole car ride home and we were really making each other laugh, especially on the walk from the car to the apartment. So, it was no surprise that as I was saying the prayer she started busting up. And guess who joined her. KG. It's usually me so I was really enjoying their giggles during my prayer. The reason she was laughing was because she burped in the prayer. The reason KG was laughing was because of her timing. I said, 'We are so grateful for Flower and the blessing *insert burp here* she is in our lives'. Nice. Just typing it makes me laugh. Of course I grabbed my phone to capture they're cute laughing faces!
Flower was asleep in record time tonight too! She fell asleep in 15 minutes with minimal chatter! We usually have an hour of chatter entertainment from her. It was kind of nice to have a half hour of quiet enjoyment with KG before he left for work. I was catching up on my blogs for the day and saw that my cousin Kami posted about the loss of her sweet baby Myra. I am linking to her blog because she writes about the funeral and the headstone and it's all soooo sweet. She is one strong lady. It had me all choked up reading about the casket, with Myra inside, riding in the car with them and then seeing the photo of it buckled in by the seatbelt. Heart wrenching! I also really love the headstone! Reading about this makes me hold Flower just a bit tighter!
So, as you can see, it was a marvelous day! I am really grateful for days such as these and I'm even more thankful that they seem to be in the majority! Yay for great friends and family!

Mid Morning Walk

Flower and I bundled ourselves up this morning to venture out in the 29* weather to take a walk. We walked a bit on the property and then hiked up a slight hill to reach the path next to a ditch above our apartment complex. It was very cold so Flower didn't last long. It was still worth getting out for a bit and enjoying our surroundings and the fresh air! And now that I look at the time, we were out for an hour! A very nice start to the day.

I think I'm gonna like it here!

(Name that song/movie!) It's been one week on the job and I think I'm going to love it! It's so different! So much stress has been wiped clean. It's really hard to explain but I love it! This week consisted of just getting to know things. Paperwork is exactly the same and some procedures are as well and those that aren't, the differences make so much sense! And I love that she has told me that if I have ideas, she wants to hear them. That's something I never really felt as the other job. I feel so much more needed and valued! Last night I was able to have my nieces spend the night and hang out clear till noon without having to worry about anything related to work! My daily routine now is feeding Flower lunch at 12:30 and then putting her down for her nap at 1:00. She reads until she falls asleep, usually around 2:00. That gives me an hour to myself before heading to the office for work. Depending on how busy things are, like today was super slow, I only stay till 4:00 and forward the office phone to my cell phone. At 6:00 I go unforward the phone and lock the place up and I'm free for the rest of the night! If I do need to be there when Flower is awake they are happy to have her there and with the Club House she can watch cartoons, color pictures on the table and just run around. Last week that was the case because Lynnette works 8:00 to noon. She had me come in at 11:00 so we could
'train' for an hour. I had Flower with me during that time. I would leave when she did and get Flower lunch and all that and then I'd go back. Flower just did her thing and it was fun to have her with me knowing I didn't have to put her in daycare. They just run things so smooth and relaxed here and I can't get over how much I LOVE it! Things are so good!

ps- the title is the song from Annie.

Happy Easter!

Easter was lovely! Unfortunately KG worked last night so he went to bed exhausted instead of setting up the eggs and basket. Flower also woke up at some point and crawled in bed with me at 7. We really didn't want to wake her up right then to do the Easter stuff just so KG could be a part of it. We'd rather let her sleep. I took advantage of the fact that she would probably sleep longer and got up and enjoyed an hour bath! I read/slept through the whole thing! Flower was just waking up when I got out. The thought of doing all the Easter stuff without KG just didn't even seem fun so I decided to postpone. I made us both breakfast and then got us both ready for church. I was so excited to give her the new dress knowing she would be thrilled. She did not disappoint! She loves it! It's the most flow-y dress she's ever had. She danced and spun in circles all day, including in the isles at church during the songs.




Church was interesting. I was dealing with some pain and I was really feeling the spirit at some points and that usually makes things really uncomfortable for me when others are around and I'll leave it at that. flower and I left early and came home to have lunch and take naps.
We had to wake up before we were ready to get to my brother's by 5:00 pm. We had a great time there having a delicious meal, talking and playing!


Zach was soooo proud to be holding Lorelai!

Torta went to Hawaii recently with her mom and dad and sister. She took some time to talk about the trip with Great Grandma Madison since she has been there before. It was very sweet to watch them!

All my nieces and nephews! From top to bottom(oldest to youngest): Lauren, Torta, Spencer, Roro, Kas, Zach, Flower and Lorelai.

Then came the fun of the Easter egg hunt! I love watching the kids having fun.
Flower was the first one in line to be let outside to hunt the eggs!
First they scoured the back yard!




The adults stood around as usual as I raced after the kids trying to get all the photos I wanted!
Then they tackled the front yard!



She was gifted this pretty little bracelet from Aunt Amanda. She made each of the girls one and they were all so cute!

Flower scored herself 28 candy filled eggs! She also got one large one with a one dollar bill inside from her grandma.

We then had a little photo shoot in the living room.




We then did a sweet little photo shoot with my Grandma Madison.



We finally gathered our things, and two extra girls, and headed home. Lauren and Torta spent the night for their Spring Break. As we arrived home Ryan, Amanda and Lorelai decided to come by and see the new place. It was so fun having them all here! We sat around and watched videos on U-tube, listened to music, laughed and just had fun! We kept attempting to start a movie but we couldn't shut up long enough to know what was going on. Since KG had to go to work we read scriptures and had prayers while everyone was still here.

Look at this bunch of goobers. They kept switching back and forth(if one went forward the other went back and vise versa) so that I could only see one at a time and it was making me laugh. I finally got this cute photo! :)
What a fun night! I love my family!