Sunday, May 31, 2009

KG came home to this...

...a couple of weeks ago the girls ended up with me in the middle of the night. It must have been a long night because I was still dressed with my glasses on. This is how he found us when he got home from work in the morning.
Sleep is so great. And I just can't seem to get enough lately. I'm so tired of the thyroid issues. I got the labs back and after the current dose being correct for two month, and having to constantly be increasing it for a over a year, now somehow it's too much. She lowered it and I've been on that dose for a week but man I am dragging. I can tell it's not enough. The doctor is so confused on why we can't get it stabilized. I was on 112 mg, now I'm on 100 for a month. The third week of June I go in for more labs. At that time she is also going to test my pituitary and adrenal glands because things just aren't adding up. If those things come back normal then she's testing me for something else that I can't even remember the name of. I'm also going to bring up PCOS at the suggestion of a few.
I'm just baffled by how much a thyroid controls. I have so much joint pain, the irritability is annoying, my eye sight is getting so bad so fast, I'm exhausted all the time. I've been climbing three flights of stairs for over a year now and just in the last month I get winded. I have no stamina. Just no zest for life. I also worked so hard the last three months to lose weight. I did the same thing all three months. I lost 6 pounds the first month. I was pissed to discover I gained one pound the second month and one pound the third, when I should have lost at least 4 each month. So frustrating! I'm just so tired of all of it! I want to feel normal.
I slept sooo much today, like two separate 2 hour naps. Maybe more. I'm still tired. Granted I only slept 3 on Friday and 5 last night but still.
So here's to June. Here's to sleeping and actually feeling like I've slept and hoping to get this old body figured out.
I love River's cute stretching arms. The camera flash woke her up apparently.
I also want to note my great ward and my awesome friends. I have so many. I didn't go to church today because I didn't get a lot of sleep last night or this weekend with the girls being sick. I was going to make the effort though and had my dress laid out and all. But then I woke up with a headache from lack of sleep. That always leads to feeling depressed. River screamed bloody murder for the first hour we were awake. I just cried and I tried to stay calm. Thankfully Flower was being so good but that sure didn't last! For most of the morning she was my buddy. My headache went away after a nap and we were watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But then about 1:00 she started tormenting River and trying to wake her up by kicking her so it was obviously nap and quiet time. She fought it a little but I asked her if she wanted me to be mean or nice and she chose nice and got in bed. It was when KG woke up and she heard us talking in the living room that she lost it. Twice today she had complete and utter melt downs. Tantrums rarely seen from her. She develops turrets and screams very unkind things from her room in a demonic voice, opens and slams the door repeatedly, throws things, cries, screams. It's lovely. So back to the story of my great friends and church for us. Within 10 minutes of it starting and me not being there RaeAunn sent a text to find out where I was and check on me and texted throughout church. Kris texted to check on me as soon as church started and then pretty much after church and all night. Amanda showed up at the door with a beautifully painted rock for our balcony, dinner and brownies, just because she missed me at church and knew the kids had been sick! Brenda sent me a message on Facebook. Plus the other day I was feeling blah and Brenda made me a blown glass necklace in turquoise to cheer me up. Seriously? Awesome. It certainly wasn't my worst day. Far from it. But it feels so nice to be missed and loved. And it's awesome to have someone show up with dinner as a nice gesture because you're feeling slightly off, not just because you've had surgery, a major tragedy or some illness. It was all of these kind nods that got me through the day without breaking down and hurting someone! :D They made me able to sit on the sofa and laugh with KG during her tantrums and texting Kris all the lovely details through the day kept me from getting wrapped up in the moment and losing it. I am so lucky with all these great ladies in my life! Love them.

1 comment:

Sandee said...

Hopefully you start feeling better. You can always call and I will come take the girls for awhile. The picture of River yawning is so dang cute. Hang in there things will only get better. I love you!

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