Mind gripping control

So I made a huge mistake tonight! I have had my struggles throughout life...who hasn't? Most of them I've overcome and I'd like to think they've made me stronger. One in particular has reared it's ugly head again as of late as attempted to deal with (or avoid) life's other issues. Even throughout this struggle, I have been strong enough to withstand one major thing. If I gave into this, I knew it wouldn't lead anywhere good and would take hold of my brain and ruin everything I've attempted to accomplish and 'fix' lately. How can one object have that much control on me? It's been such a fun weekend. It's been a fun few weeks actually, on the whole. And even in the midst of a really fun day, I gave in to my demon. I knew what the outcome would be but I just couldn't stop myself. It did exactly what I knew it would. It sent me into a shitty tail spin. It has consumed my thoughts. I cried on the way to Goodsell's. I composed myself while there so they of course hadn't a clue that anything was wrong. Then I cried on the way home. As much as I try and tell myself that life is good, I'm taking steps to take care of myself mentally and physically, that things have been going great and that I'm happy...it doesn't matter. Now my confidence is shot and that damn object is all I can think about! Why? Why did I do it? And why does it change everything? Why does it make everything good that I've done lately not even matter anymore? And I did it to myself. I have no one to blame but myself for giving in to my biggest weakness. The wall that I have been effectively chipping away at lately has now gone right back up.
Peace out!