It's been one month! :)

I figured I'd wait till it's been a month before I get too excited. So, once again, for anyone that knows me, sugar is my biggest weakness! I'm pretty sure it's part of the cause of some other issues I've had with food in general throughout my life. Not to mention contributing to weight, concentration, low energy and blah blah blah. I made it for two weeks with no sugar (this of course doesn't include natural sugars such as fruit and I also didn't worry too much about jam and such). I made it for about two weeks with no sugar in 2004 when KG and I both changed our eating habits in an effort to be healthier. I did a detox and it really helped me not crave it constantly. But after 6 months, a 60 pound weight loss and pretty strict guidelines and not working through some issues, I lost control and I binged and the cycle started over. It was like trying to get my hands on everything I hadn't had. I put weight back on but it was pretty gradual and it's only been 30 pounds. That's a lot but considering I'm still down 30 from my highest, I'll take it. I did get things back under control about a year later but then last year, with the depression I was having with various things that happened and with my thyroid being out of whack, I kind of slipped back into things. Well now, somehow I have the strength to work on it again. I know I can't be as drastic as I was then or it will back fire. The problem is, I have a hard time just having one piece. The amazing thing this time though, is I've set some guidelines for myself. We don't have anything in the house that is a temptation for me. But if I'm and offered something or am going somewhere that I know I may want something, I'm careful throughout the day and then I have a small bit. For the most part I'm trying to keep it out of my day. However, I made KG cookies for Father's Day and I allowed myself one cookie and then made sure I didn't have anything else sugary that day. I have never been able to do that! For the last two weeks it's worked really well. I don't feel like I'm depriving myself and each time I do want something, I'm able to ask myself if this going to get me to where I want to be and do I really need it. That is huge because I tend to be impulsive and don't think about it. That has helped a lot. The other thing I'm going to do is if in time I find myself having the major cravings again, I'll detox again. The other thing that I have been completely amazed with is how it's made it easier to watch my portion sizes with everything else. I have more energy, my mood is more stable and I just feel better. I am really happy with the results and I am so proud of myself. I know I've lost weight too. That's not my main concern though. It's definitely a nice bonus but we don't have a scale and I'm not keeping track. I can just tell in the clothes I put on.
I still loath that sweets have to be involved in everything. Every birthday, holiday, traveling, and movies. It's always been associated with those things for me and so I've got it in my head that those things can't be fun without it. Well not any more. I'm really trying hard to break that cycle. But the cool thing is, at the last 3 birthdays and Father's Day, I found myself not wanting all the desserts and wasn't bothered or feeling sorry for myself. I hardly noticed. I also use it when I'm bored or trying to avoid something or feelings. I'm trying to discover who I am without it. I'm feeling huge inner strength right now and just want to be healthy and feel good. I hope I can keep the momentum going and think past what I want in the moment! Every night when I'd sit down to watch a show or if I thought about watching a movie with KG, my first instinct was to think about what I'd make, like caramel popcorn or mother goose popcorn for example, or getting ice cream. It's ridiculous! Well, now I'm craving fruit! I have eaten so much more fruit and in turn vegetables since I've cut the crap! Our fridge and counters are now full of healthy stuff.
The one thing I am loving about this whole thing is that now I feel like I'm in control. I am no longer being controlled by cravings. I also feel so much better about myself and my confidence has been boosted. I look back at last year and even the first part of this year and I feel like a different person! Now if I can just keep remembering all the positives I've been feeling tp keep this going in the future! :) I love that we always have that choice to change!

p.s.-Thanks to some special people, KG and Kris, (and Jer for some awesome council and wonderful blessings) that knew all my issues and loved me through them without judgment this past year. I wouldn't have my strength now without all that help and love. You rock my world!

Peace.